Brothers and Sisters and Parents. Oh My.

Senior Lifestyle

By Carol Combs, MSW, Oxford’s Memory Care Coordinator

Caring for a parent is hard. And sometimes, often in spite of the best of intentions, siblings can make that care more complicated. Often, one child becomes the primary caregiver for a parent and may become resentful that other siblings aren’t helping as much as they could. Some siblings may skirt caregiving responsibilities with excuses of “I don’t have enough time,” or “I just don’t have the money.” Sometimes one sibling might refuse help or advice from others, certain they can best handle things by themselves.

Many families don’t take time to consider the best supporting role each member could play while caring for a parent. There is a lot to do, but by supporting each other and sharing responsibilities, families can make caregiving a success. Share the load. Pitch in. There are always ways to help. Make phone calls, offer emotional support, run errands, or simply give someone a break.

When it comes to caring for a parent, brothers and sisters have to work together, and communication is the key to working together.

Family meetings can be instrumental in determining roles, pooling resources, and allowing everyone a voice. Open communication is the best way to overcome disagreements, resolve conflict, and reach consensus on the hard decisions your family faces.

But teamwork takes effort. There may be disagreement on what is best for your parent. Conflicts may arise out of present anxiety and fear of what lies ahead. Caring for a parent may re-ignite sibling rivalries thought long since over.

The best way to handle these struggles is often to simply acknowledge them and discuss them honestly. Admit your concerns and limitations, and embrace those of your brothers and sisters. Remember that you’re all after the same thing: what is best for your parent.

Sometimes it is best to agree to disagree. If you reach an impasse, consider involving an impartial observer, such as a social worker or counselor who can help families work through issues and stay focused on the task at hand.

Consider these tips for winning support from your siblings:

  • Ask for help clearly and directly. Be specific.
  • Be realistic—don’t ask for the impossible.
  • Try to accept your siblings as who they are, not who you wish they were.
  • Listen to your siblings’ concerns openly, without judgment, and carefully consider their feedback.
  • Consider the relationship your sibling has with your parent and look for tasks that work within that relationship. If your sister can’t be with mom for long without arguing, send her out shopping, or ask her to do some paperwork.
  • Be careful how you ask for help. If your tone reflects anger, your brothers and sisters are more likely to react in unhelpful ways.
  • Avoid making your siblings feel guilty. Guilt makes people uncomfortable and defensive, which only hurts things in the long run.
  • If your family isn’t able to assist with caregiving, explore outside resources for help.
  • Perhaps most importantly, be sure to take care of yourself. You have to be healthy to be up to the challenge of caregiving.

Families have long, complicated histories, and with the challenges of caregiving it is often hard to communicate without overreacting or misinterpreting. Dealing with siblings over parent care can be difficult, complex and emotional, but it is important to understand your emotions and to try to have sympathy for your siblings’ feelings as well, even when you disagree.

Family dynamics were in place prior to the need for parent care, and you may not be able to resolve existing conflicts to your satisfaction right now. The important thing now is to get support for yourself so you can find peace during your caregiving journey.

Oxford Health Care offers numerous home care programs that can provide you the help, support and relief you need, so you can enjoy time with your loved one and continue to care for them at home. If you have questions, our Care Coordinators will be happy to assist you.

Don’t Get Scammed by Home Repair Schemes

By Pam Gennings, Executive Director Special Projects*

Just like migrating birds arrive as the weather warms, so do the scammers. Home repair con artists are out in force this time of year—“flocking” to your neighborhood. These scammers are looking to make a quick buck; and unfortunately, older adults are most vulnerable.

 

According to the National Consumer League, the most common types of home repair scams are:

  • Duct cleaning
  • Driveway sealant
  • Leaky foundations
  • Landscaping
  • Furnace and roof repair

Don’t be a victim—know the signs!

  1. A contractor shows up uninvited, or will call or email out of the blue.
  2. The contractor tells you he/she is in the neighborhood and has “extra material” left over.
  3. The person pressures you to make a decision today because the “special offer” is for today only.
  4. The contractor points out a “problem” or offers a “free” inspection. Some scammers have been known to break something on purpose so they can be paid to “fix” the problem.
  5. The person demands full payment up front and usually wants cash.
  6. The individual has no identification or permits from the county or city.
  7. You are offered a discount so your home may be used as a “model”.
  8. The contractor wants to show you the “damage”, while an associate steals valuables from your home.

 

Tips to avoid being scammed by home repair con artists:

  1. Don’t allow yourself to be pressured. You have the right to say NO!
  2. Get several estimates on any home repair job.
  3. Check references including checking with the Better Business Bureau.
  4. Never pay in full up front, especially if paying by cash.
  5. It is very important that the contractor is insured and bonded—ask to see proof.
  6. Make sure everything is put in writing. Carefully read all the contracts and be sure you fully understand the scope of the work to be done, cost and time necessary to complete the job. Have in writing how payment will be handled. Make sure you understand the contract cancellation and refund terms.
  7. Ask for advice from a trusted friend or family member, especially if you are feeling pressured or have questions and concerns.

If you suspect you have been the victim of a scam, don’t be afraid or embarrassed to tell someone you trust. You can turn to the police, go to your bank if money has been taken from your account or seek help from adult protective services. In Missouri the adult protective service toll free number is 1-800-392-0210. To find the adult protective service contact information in other states, call the Eldercare Locator, a government sponsored resource line, at 1-800-677-1116 or at www.eldercare.gov.

 

Excerpts from National Council on Aging and National Consumer League

 

*Pam Gennings has a Bachelor’s of Arts and has worked in the field of Geriatric Social Work and Care Coordination for more than 30 years. She started working for Oxford HealthCare in 1993. During the course of her career she has helped thousands of people find resources to remain in their homes as well as provided guidance to families that were facing difficulties with their aging loved ones.

 

MAY IS NATIONAL STROKE AWARENESS MONTH

By Pam Gennings, Executive Director Special Projects*

Every 40 seconds someone in the United States has a stroke. A stroke occurs when a blockage stops the flow of blood to the brain or when a blood vessel in or around the brain bursts. Strokes are the leading cause of long-term disability in the U.S. and according to the CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) it is the fourth leading cause of death. A stroke can strike people of all ages, in fact the CDC reports that nearly a quarter of all strokes occur in people younger than 65.
Strokes are largely PREVENTABLE.
• According to the American Stroke Association, one in three Americans has high blood pressure, which is the number one controllable risk factor for stroke. It is important to keep your blood pressure under control.
• Cigarette smoking contributes to one in every five strokes in the country. Exposure to second hand smoke can also contribute to a higher stroke risk.
• Exercise regularly. To help lower or control blood pressure, get 40 minutes of moderate to vigorous physical activity three to four times a week.
• Prevent or control diabetes.
• Get your cholesterol checked regularly and manage it with diet/physical activity or medication if needed.
• Eat a healthy diet. Watch your sodium intake.
• Limit your alcohol intake.
• Ask your doctor if taking aspirin is right for you.
Strokes are TREATABLE, but every second counts. The sooner a patient receives medical treatment, the lower the risk of death or disability.

As an easy way to remember the sudden signs of stroke, the American Stroke Association wants everyone to learn F.A.S.T. When you spot the signs you will know to call 9-1-1 immediately.

F = Face Drooping – Does one side of the face droop or is it numb? Ask the person to smile. Is the person’s smile uneven?
A = Arm Weakness – Is one arm weak or numb? Ask the person to raise both arms. Does one arm drift downwards?
S = Speech Difficulty – Is speech slurred? Is the person unable to speak or hard to understand? Ask the person to repeat a simple sentence, like “The sky is blue.” Is the sentence repeated correctly?
T= Time to call 9-1-1 – If someone shows any of these symptoms, even if the symptoms go away, call 9-1-1 and get the person to the hospital immediately. Check the time so you will know when the first symptoms appeared.

Beyond F.A.S.T., other warning signs include:
• Sudden numbness or weakness of face, arm, or leg.
• Sudden confusion
• Sudden trouble seeing in one or both eyes
• Sudden trouble walking, dizziness, loss of balance or coordination
• Sudden severe headaches with no known cause

Remember getting immediate medical attention for stroke is crucial to prevent disability and death.
For more information go to www.strokeassociation.org

*Pam Gennings has a Bachelor’s of Arts and has worked in the field of Geriatric Social Work and Care Coordination for more than 30 years. She started working for Oxford HealthCare in 1993. During the course of her career she has helped thousands of people find resources to remain in their homes as well as provided guidance to families that were facing difficulties with their aging loved ones.

Why Go If My Loved One Can’t Remember My Visit?

By Carol Combs, MSW, Oxford’s Memory Care Coordinator

When a loved one has Alzheimer’s disease, it changes the way friends and family interact with the person. Knowing what to say, or even how to act, can be challenging. The individual may not remember those who come to visit or remember prior visits.

When visiting a loved one with Alzheimer’s you may hear questions such as, “Why don’t you ever visit?” or “Who are you?” Such questions, as well as behavioral changes that accompany the disease, can make visiting difficult and uncomfortable.

However, there are some things you can do to help ease the discomfort and make your visit more pleasant for you and your loved one.

  • Focus on feelings – the content of the conversation doesn’t matter. The feelings and sense of contentment created will make a difference. Emotion lasts longer than memory. The emotion resulting from a positive visit can improve a person’s mood and influence the rest of the day.
  • Accept the person’s reality- don’t correct your loved one, just go along with it. If the person insists the grass is blue, agree. Telling the individual it’s really green can create agitation. Instead, offer reassurance and distraction.
  • Introduce yourself- avoid saying “Don’t you remember me?” because if the person doesn’t, it can be embarrassing. Introduce yourself with “Hi Mom, this is Susan.”  Save her the embarrassment or awkward moment.
  • Be respectful- don’t talk to Alzheimer’s patients like they are children. They have a lifetime of experiences, so show them the respect they deserve.
  • Bring an activity – long-term memory is often still intact. Reminiscing with pictures or photo albums can be comforting and encourage conversation. Play music or sing. Consider Music Therapy. Music can stir positive emotions, and individuals may be able to remember lyrics even though their ability to communicate has declined. Exercise improves brain circulation. Encourage movement of arms and legs, or toss a beach ball. Introduce your loved one to a GeriJoy Companion, a special tablet which provides social interaction, helps decrease loneliness and has shown remarkable success with Alzheimer’s and dementia patients.
  • Touch – hold a hand, stroke hair, hug. Touch is a powerful way to communicate when words fail. People with dementia recognize a caring touch, even in the late stages of the disease.
  • Minimize distractions – it will be more difficult to have a meaningful visit if there is too much noise or activity. Over stimulation can cause agitation. Try to find a quiet place or take a walk outside.

If you know someone with Alzheimer’s and are hesitant to visit, remember that the benefit of your visit may last long after you’ve gone.

For additional support or information, contact Oxford HealthCare. Oxford offers numerous programs that provide the help and relief you need—so you can enjoy time with your loved one and continue to provide care at home. For your peace of mind, advanced technology like Lifeline and GeriJoy helps provide added security when you can’t be with your loved one. To find out more about all Oxford has to help families, contact a Care Coordinator, today.

 

 

 

Be Informed for the Better During Stress Awareness Month

By Carol Combs, MSW, Oxford’s Memory Care Program Coordinator

 

Stress is defined as mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances. Stress is inevitable—everyone deals with it. So, during Stress Awareness Month, it is an excellent time to learn more, recognize stressors, practice stress relief and get help as needed.

 

Stress isn’t all negative; positive stress can motivate and help with concentration. Setting goals and accomplishing them feels good and rejuvenates the mind and body for the next challenge.

 

However, most of the time, stress is associated with something difficult or negative. When stress becomes a way of life, it is very hard to relax and recover. When stress becomes chronic, a person’s physical and emotional health suffers.

 

Caregiving is a demanding and stressful role. Being a caregiver can be an extremely rewarding and gratifying experience, but it can also be daunting, challenging, exhausting and overwhelming—especially if caring for someone who is ill.

 

Whether you are caring for someone daily, occasionally, long distance or 24 hours a day, there will be stress. While you may not be able to change the situation, there are steps to help manage the emotional, physical and mental impact.

 

First, it helps to recognize what personally stresses you. The body treats these stressors as threats, which prompts the adrenal glands to release a surge of adrenaline and cortisol.

 

Adrenaline increases heart rate, elevates blood pressure and boosts energy supplies. Cortisol, the primary stress hormone, increases sugars (glucose) in the bloodstream. It alters the immune system responses and suppresses the digestive system, the reproductive system and growth processes. This complex, natural alarm system also communicates with regions of the brain that control mood, motivation and fear.

 

When under constant stress, the body’s fight-or-flight reaction stays on alert. The long-term activation of the stress-response system and the overexposure to cortisol and other stress hormones can disrupt almost all of the body’s processes.

 

When under this kind of negative, constant stress, there is a significant risk of numerous health problems, including:

  • Anxiety and depression
  • Compromised immune system
  • Digestive problems
  • Heart disease and increased blood pressure
  • Sleep problems
  • Weight fluctuation
  • Memory and concentration impairment

 

Due to the health risks, it is very important for caregivers to learn healthy ways to cope with stress.

 

Stress management strategies include:

  • Eating a healthy diet, exercising regularly and getting enough sleep
  • Practicing relaxation techniques or learning to meditate
  • Fostering healthy friendships
  • Laughing—have a sense of humor
  • Keeping a journal—jot down thoughts as an emotional outlet
  • Seeking professional counseling when needed
  • Educating yourself—become informed about stress, disease process, etc.
  • Utilizing community resources that offer assistance and support
  • Visiting your doctor regularly
  • Finding opportunities for Respite Care—Oxford HealthCare can help
  • Chewing gum—studies have shown this simple act can lower anxiety and ease stress
  • Reminding yourself of comforting phrases that speak to you personally—God won’t give us more than we can handle. This too shall pass. Serenity Prayer. I can do this. Encourage yourself the way you would a friend.
  • Believing in yourself—find the necessary means to withstand stress and look forward to brighter days ahead.

 

Although April is officially Stress Awareness Month, we all know that stress affects us in some way, every day, year round. If you are a caregiver, it is extremely important that you also care for yourself. Oxford HealthCare offers numerous home care programs that provide the help, support and relief you need, so you may enjoy time with your loved one and continue to provide care at home. If you need help or have questions, contact an Oxford Care Coordinator.

“When words fail, music speaks” Hans Christian Anderson

By Carol Combs, MSW – Oxford’s Memory Care Program Coordinator

While working in a skilled nursing facility, I had the opportunity to witness remarkable things. I was amazed to see individuals with dementia who could not put together a sentence, but could sing an entire song. Their faces would brighten, and I could see mood changes along with toe tapping and smiles. Soon, others would join in. Although the disease had taken so much away from them, music was a wonderful way to engage and encourage them.

The language area of the brain is impacted early in the Alzheimer’s disease process, but music touches a different part of the brain. The area of the brain linked to music is relatively unaffected by Alzheimer’s disease; so musical memories are often preserved. Rhythmic responses require little to no cognitive processing; so, a person’s ability to engage in music—particularly rhythm playing and singing—remains intact late into the disease process. Some individuals will respond to music when nothing else seems to reach them.

Music can provide emotional and behavioral benefits for dementia sufferers. Listening to music or singing can relieve stress and reduce agitation, anxiety or depression. For caregivers, music is a way to connect with loved ones who have difficulty communicating. Most people associate music with important events and emotions, and selections from a person’s young adult years—ages 18-25—are more likely to elicit a strong response. As an individual progresses into later stage dementia, music from childhood works well. Although individuals may not be able to verbalize or demonstrate affection with loved ones, they can still move with the beat of a favorite piece of music until very late in the disease process.

Caregiver Tips:

  • Experiment with different types of music to see which evoke the best reaction.
  • Play music or sing as the individual is walking to improve balance or gait.
  • Choose relaxing music, a familiar, non-rhythmic song to reduce sun downing or bedtime issues.
  • Compile a musical history of favorite recordings to help with reminiscing and recalling memories.
  • Encourage movement with the music —clapping or tapping feet, or dancing if possible.
  • Play or sing soothing songs to calm someone during mealtime or personal hygiene care.
  • When playing music, eliminate competing noises such as television or outdoor sounds.

Singing is associated with safety and security from early life. When caregivers engage in singing with their loved ones, it provides an opportunity to connect, even when the disease has deprived them of traditional forms of closeness.

“Music is the literature of the heart; it commences where speech ends.”
Alphonse de Lamartine

Oxford Hospice provides numerous home care programs—including music therapy—to help caregivers and their loved ones. Oxford HealthCare is dedicated to helping families enjoy time together and remain at home. If you have questions about Oxford Hospice, Oxford’s Memory Care Program or receiving help at home, please contact a Care Coordinator, today.

 

Source: Alzheimer’s Foundation of America