Why Go If My Loved One Can’t Remember My Visit?

By Carol Combs, MSW, Oxford’s Memory Care Coordinator

When a loved one has Alzheimer’s disease, it changes the way friends and family interact with the person. Knowing what to say, or even how to act, can be challenging. The individual may not remember those who come to visit or remember prior visits.

When visiting a loved one with Alzheimer’s you may hear questions such as, “Why don’t you ever visit?” or “Who are you?” Such questions, as well as behavioral changes that accompany the disease, can make visiting difficult and uncomfortable.

However, there are some things you can do to help ease the discomfort and make your visit more pleasant for you and your loved one.

  • Focus on feelings – the content of the conversation doesn’t matter. The feelings and sense of contentment created will make a difference. Emotion lasts longer than memory. The emotion resulting from a positive visit can improve a person’s mood and influence the rest of the day.
  • Accept the person’s reality- don’t correct your loved one, just go along with it. If the person insists the grass is blue, agree. Telling the individual it’s really green can create agitation. Instead, offer reassurance and distraction.
  • Introduce yourself- avoid saying “Don’t you remember me?” because if the person doesn’t, it can be embarrassing. Introduce yourself with “Hi Mom, this is Susan.”  Save her the embarrassment or awkward moment.
  • Be respectful- don’t talk to Alzheimer’s patients like they are children. They have a lifetime of experiences, so show them the respect they deserve.
  • Bring an activity – long-term memory is often still intact. Reminiscing with pictures or photo albums can be comforting and encourage conversation. Play music or sing. Consider Music Therapy. Music can stir positive emotions, and individuals may be able to remember lyrics even though their ability to communicate has declined. Exercise improves brain circulation. Encourage movement of arms and legs, or toss a beach ball. Introduce your loved one to a GeriJoy Companion, a special tablet which provides social interaction, helps decrease loneliness and has shown remarkable success with Alzheimer’s and dementia patients.
  • Touch – hold a hand, stroke hair, hug. Touch is a powerful way to communicate when words fail. People with dementia recognize a caring touch, even in the late stages of the disease.
  • Minimize distractions – it will be more difficult to have a meaningful visit if there is too much noise or activity. Over stimulation can cause agitation. Try to find a quiet place or take a walk outside.

If you know someone with Alzheimer’s and are hesitant to visit, remember that the benefit of your visit may last long after you’ve gone.

For additional support or information, contact Oxford HealthCare. Oxford offers numerous programs that provide the help and relief you need—so you can enjoy time with your loved one and continue to provide care at home. For your peace of mind, advanced technology like Lifeline and GeriJoy helps provide added security when you can’t be with your loved one. To find out more about all Oxford has to help families, contact a Care Coordinator, today.

 

 

 

“When words fail, music speaks” Hans Christian Anderson

By Carol Combs, MSW – Oxford’s Memory Care Program Coordinator

While working in a skilled nursing facility, I had the opportunity to witness remarkable things. I was amazed to see individuals with dementia who could not put together a sentence, but could sing an entire song. Their faces would brighten, and I could see mood changes along with toe tapping and smiles. Soon, others would join in. Although the disease had taken so much away from them, music was a wonderful way to engage and encourage them.

The language area of the brain is impacted early in the Alzheimer’s disease process, but music touches a different part of the brain. The area of the brain linked to music is relatively unaffected by Alzheimer’s disease; so musical memories are often preserved. Rhythmic responses require little to no cognitive processing; so, a person’s ability to engage in music—particularly rhythm playing and singing—remains intact late into the disease process. Some individuals will respond to music when nothing else seems to reach them.

Music can provide emotional and behavioral benefits for dementia sufferers. Listening to music or singing can relieve stress and reduce agitation, anxiety or depression. For caregivers, music is a way to connect with loved ones who have difficulty communicating. Most people associate music with important events and emotions, and selections from a person’s young adult years—ages 18-25—are more likely to elicit a strong response. As an individual progresses into later stage dementia, music from childhood works well. Although individuals may not be able to verbalize or demonstrate affection with loved ones, they can still move with the beat of a favorite piece of music until very late in the disease process.

Caregiver Tips:

  • Experiment with different types of music to see which evoke the best reaction.
  • Play music or sing as the individual is walking to improve balance or gait.
  • Choose relaxing music, a familiar, non-rhythmic song to reduce sun downing or bedtime issues.
  • Compile a musical history of favorite recordings to help with reminiscing and recalling memories.
  • Encourage movement with the music —clapping or tapping feet, or dancing if possible.
  • Play or sing soothing songs to calm someone during mealtime or personal hygiene care.
  • When playing music, eliminate competing noises such as television or outdoor sounds.

Singing is associated with safety and security from early life. When caregivers engage in singing with their loved ones, it provides an opportunity to connect, even when the disease has deprived them of traditional forms of closeness.

“Music is the literature of the heart; it commences where speech ends.”
Alphonse de Lamartine

Oxford Hospice provides numerous home care programs—including music therapy—to help caregivers and their loved ones. Oxford HealthCare is dedicated to helping families enjoy time together and remain at home. If you have questions about Oxford Hospice, Oxford’s Memory Care Program or receiving help at home, please contact a Care Coordinator, today.

 

Source: Alzheimer’s Foundation of America